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While I was taking these a Port Security van pulled up and a monkey in a uniform got out.
PS - Excuse me Sir, do you have a permit ?
Me - No.
PS - (sternly) You need a permit for taking pictures of the dock buildings.
Me - No I don't.
PS - (wisely) Yes you do.
Me - No I don't.
PS - (assertively) Yes you do.
Me - No I don't. I don't need a permit for taking pictures OF dock property. I need a permit for taking photos ON dock property. I am not on dock property. I am on a public road.
PS - You still need a permit.
Me - You're a fuckwit.
[I know the textbooks say that you shouldn't be confrontational but I find it helps sometimes and it's more fun.]
PS - Can I have your name please ?
Me - Can I have yours ?
[An exchange of names takes place. He ostentatiously makes a note of my registration number. I equally ostentatiously make a note of his.]
PS - So are you going to move ?
Me - No.
PS - I'll just call the police then shall I ?
Me - You're a fuckwit.
[I know it's not great repartee but there is something about this word - which I learned from Bridget Jones - which can be quite devestating.]
PS - I'll ring them.
Me - Can I take your photo ? Please. I really like your uniform, especially the really scruffy bits.
He gives up and goes back to his car. He drives off and parks in front of the building spoiling my shot. I realise that I have finished anyway but I don't want to go yet because it will look like he has scared me off. So I faff about taking a few more. I wave to him and ask him to say cheese. He doesn't. In the end I'm getting cold so I pack up and drive round and pull up next to him. I pass him a card through the window.
Me - I don't want you to think you've scared me off, so here's my card so you can contact me.
PS - I've just checked with control and you do need a permit.
Me - Do you want me to wait here for the police with you ?
PS - That won't be necessary.
Exeunt.